Practice of pausing (cont.)

• Recognize the trigger.
• Press pause for at least 6 seconds.
• Take a deep breath.
• Consider your reaction in a situation from a place of Ihsan.
• Remember the tools Allah has provided you- self-awareness, power of choice, guidance and ability to consult with others.
• Develop a mantra or an affirmation.
• Press play again to continue in a better way.

Practices to develop self-control over time:

• Practice doing one thing at one time.
• Reduce inputs- news, social media, lectures.
• Spending time in silence as it allows our spirit to grow.

Three keys to living a life of Ihsan:

1. Spend when you have plenty and spend in challenging times.
2. Restrain your anger.
3. Pardon and forgive.

Key 1: Spending in good and bad times:

• Do good to others as Allah has done good to you.
• It keeps the flow of blessings going.
• Remind yourself that Allah has provided you with these blessings.
• If you bring good, Allah will provide multifold blessings.
• Charity begins at home. 

Research on the connection between money and happiness:

• Having more does not make you more generous.
• Paradox of generosity- when you give more you are happier.
• Give because of good intentions.
• Making a practice of giving makes you more open-hearted.

Effects of materialism:

• It is highly correlated with being dissatisfied with one’s life.
• Results in low self- esteem and less integration in the community. 
• Find less meaning in life.
• Less concerned about the welfare of others.
• Less satisfied with family lives.
• Less fun and enjoyment in what they experience.
• More likely to be depressed and envious.

LINKS:

Ghurar al-Hikam: comprehensive collection of short quotations and aphorisms by Ali ibn Abi Talib. 

SURAH ALI IMRAN [3:134]

SURAH AL-QASAS [28:76,77,78,79,80,81,82,83,84]

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Dealing with challenging relationships whilst practicing Ihsan.

Reference to Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 21-24- talking about the Ulul Albab- Men of Understanding.

• Characteristics of Ulul Albab in dealing with challenging people:

10. Understand where the challenging person is coming from.
11. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
12. Practice patience- self-control, will power, and acceptance.
13. They do Ihsan for Allah’s pleasure. 
14. They establish prayer as it serves as a reminder of their destination.
15. They are detached from material possessions.
16. If triggered, they say, “I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan.”
17. They spend secretly and they spend openly.
18. They repel evil conduct with good.
19. They show extra kindness to those who trigger them.

Hadith of Holy Prophet (SAW) talks about the best traits of character in dunya and akhirah:

• Forgive people who have been unjust to you and oppressed you.
• Do good to people who have done bad to you.
• Give to people who have deprived you.

Essence of Dua Makarimul Akhlaq:

• Allow me to repel evil with goodness
• Transform my evil into good

The power of pausing and how to practice it:

• We have the rational mind to separate our response from the trigger.
• Learn to stop long enough to get in touch with your values.
• Consider how to respond to a triggering situation.
• Consider the consequences of your actions. 
• External events cannot be controlled but our response to them is in our control.

Ways to strengthen our internal pause button:

• Recognize the trigger. 
• Mentally pause your reaction.
• Take a deep breath. 
• Make the intention to react in a positive manner.
• Ask someone for help.

LINKS:

SURAH AL-HIJR VERSES 45-50

SURAH AR-RAD VERSES 21-24

SURAH FUSSILAT VERSES 34-36

SURAH QASSAS VERSE 54

DUA MAKARIMUL AKHLAQ

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